Duh. (Save your dignity and just never talk about him again. Ever.) 10. “He’s just not that into you if he’s married (and other insane variations of being unavailable).” Greg, I Get It! by Sandy, Age 33 I was dating this guy for a year and a half. We’d had a few conversations about marriage. One day I realized that all the conversations we’d had about marriage were started by me. “Sure,” he always replied, “you are my soul mate. I’m so passionate about you. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone, blah, blah, blah.” When I’d asked him flat out, “Do you want to marry me?” he’d say, “Yeah, I would like to.” Then it dawned on me—I had never heard the words “I want to marry you” come out of his mouth. Literally, the day I had this revelation, I dumped him. Needless to say, I’m so much happier now dating guys who in the first week say, “Wow, I can’t believe you’re not married. You’re great.”

IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE GREG 100% of guys polled said “a fear of intimacy” has never stopped them from getting into a relationship. One guy even remarked, “Fear of intimacy is an urban myth.” Another guy said, “That’s just what we say to girls when we’re just not that into them.” IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE GREG 100% of men polled said they have never vomited in the bed of a woman they were really into. (Apparently these guys don’t know how to have a good time.) This is where I have to put my practicing Catholic hat on and say, “This is definitely not always true.” Especially if the person has religious, moral, and other reasons for which they don’t want to have sex with you (until a certain time). Moreover, people’s attitudes to sex differs greatly and like it or not, the way people view sex can be a deal-breaker. But in my observation of secular society, sometimes it’s the people who want to wait, that are actually really into you. So again, this piece of advice depends heavily on the values and perspectives of the individuals involved. 5. “He’s just not that into you If he’s having sex with someone else.”Glossary Now that you’ve set your standards, we want to make sure you keep them. People talk about looking out for the red flags, but they don’t often tell you how to find them. That’s why we’ve comprised a handy glossary of the most-often-used words that guys say when what they really mean is “I’m just not that into you.” Seemingly Innocent Words and Phrases That Can Also Be Used for Evil Guys tell you how they feel even if you refuse to listen or believe them. “I don’t want to be in a serious relationship” truly means “I don’t want to be in a serious relationship with you” or “I’m not sure that you’re the one.” (Sorry.) Better than nothing is not good enough for you! If you don’t know where the relationship is going, it’s okay to pull over and ask. Murky? Not good. There’s a guy out there who will want to tell everyone that he’s your boyfriend. Quit goofing around and go find him. It’s So Simple Imagine right now that I’m leaping up and down and shaking my fist at the sky. I’m on my knees pleading with you. I’m saying this in a loud voice: “Please, if you can trust one thing I say in this book, let it be this: When it comes to men, deal with us as we are, not how you’d like us to be.” I know it’s an infuriating concept—that men like to chase and you have to let us chase you. I know. It’s insulting. It’s frustrating. It’s unfortunately the truth. My belief is that if you have to be the aggressor, if you have to pursue, if you have to do the asking out, nine times out of ten, he’s just not that into you. (And we want you to believe you’re one of the nine, ladies!) I can’t say it loud enough: You, the superfox reading this book, are worth asking out. Now think of five of your own. (We know we took the easiest ones, but we still think there’s at least five more you can come up with.) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Read them, have a laugh, dump the cheater. Of course I can’t tell you what to do. But dump him.

What is sometimes mean: I’m just not that into you. I’m just not that into you. A guy you should stay away from. I’m just not that into you. I’m just not that into you. I’m just not that into you. I’m just not that into you. Reset Your Standards Sure, you say, “But I have standards.” Well, your standards led you to this book, so let’s raise them. Let’s set a dignified bar for you to exist at. Let’s put you in charge with how it’s going to go next time. (But you ask, “What if there isn’t going to be a next time?” And we say, “Stow that bad-news cargo on the sure-to-sink ship. Because that ship is about to hit Sad Island and we don’t want you on it.”) A standard is setting a level for yourself of what you will or won’t tolerate. You get to decide how it’s going to be for you. You can now design the person you want to be in the future, and the standards you want to have. Write your new standards down so you’ll never ever forget them, no matter how cute he is or how long it’s been since you’ve had sex. (Okay, we admit it, some of our workbook things were a little silly, but this one we mean.) Make sure you know what you stand for and what you believe in. And because we obviously think we know better than you (we got a book deal, didn’t we?), we’re going to give you some standard suggestions. - 42 - FROM THE DESK OF GREG Dear Starved for Affection, Have to say, little suspicious of someone who doesn’t like one of the greatest pleasures on earth. What else does he not like that you don’t know about yet? Puppies? Babies? Having a soul? And if you like being affectionate for all the obvious reasons, then why would you want to doom yourself to a no-touching zone with Mr. Uncomfortable? Yes, some men have a hard time being physically affectionate, but actually not enjoying it? It’s difficult to fathom. He may be really into you, but he’s certainly not really compatible with you. I say move on, meet someone who enjoys the things you like, and have a long life filled with playful grab-ass. You will meet people who don’t like to be touched, or kissed, or who don’t like sex. You can spend a lot of time trying to fix them, or wondering if you should take it personally. Or you can realize that they simply don’t like to do the things you find absolutely essential to your enjoyment of life, and then go find yourself someone who does.

IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE GREG A friend of mine was on a first date with a woman who mentioned she was also dating a married man. He immediately told her there wouldn’t be a second date, because if she didn’t like herself enough to be in a proper relationship, why should he? It’s So Simple Yes. You are going to meet many men in many different stages of recovering from relationships. If he is really into you, he will get over his issues fast and make sure he doesn’t lose you. Or he will make it clear to you how he feels, so there’s no mystery, and tell you up front that he’s not up to it right now. And then you can best be sure, the minute he is ready, he will run out and find you. You are not easily forgettable. This is What It Should Look Like, by Greg My friend Amy is deathly afraid of clowns, so her husband Russell makes sure she never sees one or is near one. Now this might not seem like a difficult task or one that requires great personal sacrifice, until you’ve actually tried to avoid all the clowns in the world. Oh, it’s not as easy as you’d think. You’d be amazed at how many clowns are out there. But Russell does it because after ten years of marriage, he still wants to protect his wife from things that frighten her.